woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize