I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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