It was confusing and full of hummus
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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