you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
