My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
