We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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