Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
