legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
