wakey wakey hands off snakey
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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