So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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