Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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