I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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