fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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