so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
