Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
