After last night, I could never be a politician.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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