I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize