The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i think my cat just said my name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
