My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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