whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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