gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize