And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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