my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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