He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
