we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
