you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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