woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
