dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We just shotgunned beers for America
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
