I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
