I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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