I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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