Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
