i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
