: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
