how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize