i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
