I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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