I'm jealous of your bromance
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
