An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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