OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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