So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Operation Purity has been aborted
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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