I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
