dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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