i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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