I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
