Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
