im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
