i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
