Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
