you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
