My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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