Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
