Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have aggressive nipples.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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