She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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