I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
