My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
