I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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