And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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