So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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