Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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