I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
