I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
