I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
