just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I believe in your delicious
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
