Where is the hickey?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
