did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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