Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
