i don't like sucking hair
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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