well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
