I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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