Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
where are my eyebrows?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
