I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
