He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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