you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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